Some cancers you can get rid of and, if you're lucky, block them out and live your life like you never had it. Vulva cancer is not one of these. Even the minimal surgery is disfiguring and if, like me, you have all your lymph nodes removed you are left with yet another reminder; lymphoedema. Mine starts in my lower abdomen and was down to my knees but had now spread to my lower legs. On good days walking feels like wading through treacle, on bad days putting one foot in front of the other just isn't an option..
The worst affected area of all is my genitals. The swelling and pressure is so painful I can't even sit properly. My mons is more like a mountain and out of my fat suit I pack a bulge that would make Beckham green with envy! I haven't been to a lymphoedema clinic yet and don't have a compression garment or tights. There are several reasons for this; I can't bear anyone to look at me or touch me and am having counselling to try and get me there as I really need help The garment I was measured for by the district nurses is about 6 sizes too small. My fat suit plays havoc with my umbilical hernia and causes excruciating pain in the form of colic so what the hell would a proper garment do to me? I really feel for those ladies who suffer from primary lymphoedema but some of them really look down on those of us who have secondary. This makes you feel even worse about how your body looks and you just feel ostracised with nobody to turn to. It's a horrible affliction, and when you beat cancer you still have a lifelong battle ahead of you with this bastard. The doctors play it down, make it sound insignificant and easily managed, in other words they know fuck all.
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August 2023
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